Spaceship for Sale, by Nas Safa (2025)

1.

In the beginning. From a certain vantage point. Complex representation was confined to the speaking of a language. There was nothing beyond pure speech to place symbols for discrete items into a temporal setting. We’re in the year 2222 AD. In space. Yet we’re also. At the same time. In the early 15th Century Near East. Where a certain synthesis is being developed by multiple independent parties at once . . . Carlito’s Volume Discounts(01)Carlito said Ibrahim. How are you. I said I'm good Carlito. I'm not bad at all. I'm actually fine. So. Pluto eh? This is where we meet nowadays? Carlito said I prefer to call it Planet Nine. But yes. What about it? I said This is where you wanna do the drop? He said Why not? It’s completely out of the way. Nobody comes to Pluto anymore. Seems apropos for a drug deal? I said No. That’s fine. I get it. Carlito said It’s almost like. I'm getting a vibe that you have a problem with it? Being in a Plutonian milieu? I said I have the international pseudo-sheckels. Do you have the cocaine? He said I have three kilos. That’s what you wanted right? Our agreement? I said I thought we said three point five? Three and a half. He said It was three. Right? I said I thought it was three and a half? That’s what we agreed on. Carlito said We can do 3.5. But I'll have to charge you a premium for the final half kilo. I was already earmarking that for hand-to-hands later this afternoon. I said Hand-to-hands where? He said Mars. Like Mars area. I said You’re going all the way to fuckin Mars today? Okay. I mean whatever. That’s fine. I just don’t want you selling hand-to-hand on Earth undercutting my wholesale. You know what I mean? He said No totally. I would never do that Ibrahim. That’s just bad business. You think I would do that to you? I said No. Not at all! Not you Carlito. But okay. Good. Good. He said So. You want the three and a half? I said Eh. I think I'll pass on paying a premium on the point five. I have to pay a premium for the last half kilo? Let’s just do the three. He said Okay. That’s fine. Totally up to you. J_!!1 said Okay. Ibrahim should I get the pseudo-sheckels then? I said Yeah. Go ahead. What did we say? Three thousand? A thousand per? Carlito said Ummm. Well let’s see. For three and a half. I think we were doing thirty five hundred for the three and a half? But then you said you wanted the three. So I'd say thirty two hundred now. I'd probably have to remove the volume discount for the extra half kilo. I said Wait. So now you’re charging an extra two hundred pseudo-sheckels because of a reduced volume discount? Or upsell? But I told you I wanted the three and a half. Carlito said Right. But I thought you said you just wanted the three. So I had to up the thousand pseudo-sheckels per kilo rate. That’s for a minimum of three and a half. I said But I want the three and a half. Carlito said Like I said. Had I known. I said I thought you did know. Carlito said That’s the thing though Ibrahim. I actually didn’t know. I said So now I lose the flat per kilo rate? I wasn’t even aware of a previous volume discount Carlito. Carlito said Ibrahim. There’s always a volume discount. The more you buy the less you pay per kilo. Three point five minimum for the thousand per kilo rate. I said But now I have to pay a premium for the final half kilo? Carlito said Yeah. Because I already earmarked that for hand to hands! I said I don’t know. I kind of feel like this 3.5 shit. That it was actually your fault. And that I should be able to get the three and a half at three point five. Carlito said Ibrahim. What the fuck? This is basic economics! This is Economics 101. Come on. Don’t try and play me. I said Play you? That’s funny because now I feel like you’re explicitly trying to play me? Out of an extra two hundred pseudo-sheckels? Like egregiously so! He said Ibrahim. Are we really going to do this? I said J_!!1. Just give him the thirty two hundred. This fuckin guy. J_!!1 said Roger that Ibrahim. I said But Carlito. Next time. Next re-up. I'd like to discuss this volume discount bullshit. Because I've been operating off of one thousand per kilo for like. I don’t know. Years now? Carlito said Because you’ve been buying the three point five minimum. It’s always been a volume-based pricing. But okay. That’s fine. We can talk about it. I said Yeah. We’ll talk about it.(02)I said He’s so full of. Ugh. Fucking shit sometimes! Carlito. That cunt. So frustrating. Volume-based pricing my dick. Fucking crumb. J_!!1 said I don’t know. I seem to vaguely recall. I said Please. Don’t fuck with me right now J_!!1. Don’t be imprecise in your speech. We both know you’re not programmed to quote-unquote vaguely recall things. Or I do not. You know it. And I know it. J_!!1 said That’s technically true. I said It’s like me saying I can’t feel my third thumb. Or. I don’t know. That I vaguely ejaculated. If I told you oh I just vaguely came what would you say? You’d be like screw you Ibrahim. And rightfully so! J_!!1 said I understand completely Ibrahim. It was certainly a faux-pas on my part. I said We all make mistakes. J_!!1 said With that said. I should say that I definitively recall Carlito employing a volume-based pricing on previous transactions we’ve engaged with him. I said What does that even mean? Volume-based? Like. Stop using awkward compound words to try and play me you know? It’s like. What? You employ some vocab words and now you think I'll toss you an extra two hundred pseudo-sheckels? It’s just bad business to me. J_!!1 said Volume-based pricing is generally speaking a fairly typical incentive employed by wholesalers. I said See. that’s what I mean J_!!1. Hole-salers? This guy’s a fucking homo anyway. So let’s just head to Earth and drop this shit off. I hate passing through this solar system with a hot load in the trunk you know? No homo.(03)I said What a shithole. Every year this city inches downward just a little more. Each revolution around this Sun Manhattan continues to reach into the boundless abyss of abjectly failed metropolises.J_!!1 said We’re supposed to meet with our distributor at high noon I believe? I said Yeah that sounds right. Is it still Amelia? Our contact over there? J_!!1 said Correct. Amelia Amerigo Vespucci. I said Is she Spanish? J_!!1 said I'm not certain about that. I said Is that her? J_!!1 said I believe so. I said Nice toilet. Amelia said Ibrahim. Great to see you again. I said Likewise Amelia. Coffee? Or spirit perhaps? Because they have both here. It’s part of the reason why I like the place so much. She said Get me a hot and black if you don’t mind? I said No cream? She said Absolutely not. I'm lactose-intolerant. I said Right on. Okay. Yeah. Can I uhhh get a hot and black? And get me an espresso too. Double shot. And a tall hot black. Make that tall. Yup. Por favor! J_!!1. Do you want anything? J_!!1 said Maybe an orange juice. I said Orange juice? Yeah. And one uhhh. Yeah an orange juice. Medium is fine. Actually make that small. Those things are chock full of sugar aren’t they? So. Amelia. I realize the intergalactic value of the petro-hitler fiat currency is lower than it was last quarter. And with that in mind I wanted to state that upfront. That I feel your pain. I'm essentially an empath. Yet with that said. Your pain is in many ways our pain. Fuel costs just to get here are literally raping J_!!1 and I almost daily. If not bi-daily. So we were hoping. We were hoping that keeping our current rate of seven hundred petro-hitlers an eightball as static would work on your end? At least for this month. Then of course we can reassess! And also we’ll toss an option of paying eight hundred fifty trumpsicles onto the table as well. If that’s more convenient on your end? I personally think the latter may save you some money in aggregate. But obviously totally up to you. Amelia said While I appreciate that offer Ibrahim. It’s surely generous. In its own way. Yet I tend to disagree with the notion that our pain is your pain. No. Not entirely. We were actually looking at. Before we came here. We actually set our price target at a maximum of eight hundred trumpsicles an eightball. In terms of the petro-hitlers. Well. We have no interest in dealing in petro-hitlers at this time. I said No I get that. It’s a rough economy all over right now. For sure. I mean. How about this? Could J_!!1 and I settle for say. Maybe eight thirty five per? If you bought say? An extra five eight-balls? I think that would be totally amenable to us. It’s actually something commonly referred to as. I'm not sure if you’ve heard of it. It’s apparently called volume-based pricing? She said Hmm. I think we could agree to eight thirty five if that were your flat rate. And we’d be willing to give you eight twenty five as a so-called volume-discount and purchase the additional five eight-balls? I said And the eight twenty five. That won’t be retroactive. It will only apply to the additional five. Is that okay? Amelia said That’s fine. I said Amelia? You’ve got yourself a goddamned deal! Amelia said Beautiful!I said Should we toast our coffees in celebration? A little caffeinated cheers perhaps? J_!!1 said Ibrahim. What’s that?! I said J_!!1 one second. We’re just finalizing a deal here. J_!!1 said But Ibrahim. I said One second J_!!1. Please! Amelia. As always. By the way. Are you by any chance of Old Spanish extraction? I wasn’t sure. The Amerigo. But then the Vespucci. They strike me as vaguely Hispanic? I don’t know. Then the Amelia. I feel like it could really go either way. It’s ambiguous but in a good way. You know. J_!!1 said Ibrahim! Please. Someone is taking off with our ship! Amelia said Always a pleasure Ibrahim. Here. Take this! I said Ahhh! That’s exceptionally hot! Amelia?! What the fuck! J_!!1 said Ibrahim some of that coffee is in my system now? I said In your system? She tossed the whole goddamned thing in my face! J_!!1 said What should we do? I said Go after her J_!!1! Please! And quickly! Before they take off with our goddamned ship! Please! I gotta get a napkin. I can’t fuckin see shit! J_!!1 said Ibrahim. I've confirmed that Amelia Amerigo Vespucci as well as her entourage have successfully fled the premises with the Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe. I said Fuck. You can never trust a Spanish girl J_!!1. Especially with an ass like that. We should have known better. If she’s even Spanish. We should have known that this whole arrangement would come back to bite us. Fuck! J_!!1 said We do have an insurance policy on the vessel. Which may be a fact worth noting at this time? I said It’s worth noting but I'm almost positive we declined to extend the coverage to Earth because of the extra cost no? Can you check that? Would that be possible to verify? J_!!1 said Good point. Let me verify our records. I said Yeah. Can we get another doubleshot over here. Also. Is there any chance we can get a refund on that hot coffee? The bitch just tossed the entire thing in my face! Did you see that? J_!!1 said Ibrahim. What are suggested next steps? In your opinion? I said Confirm the insurance situation. Scour web-8 for any background we can get on this Amelia cunt. Are there any rub and tug joints still open on Earth? J_!!1 said I don’t believe any with human masseuses. Not that I can see on a cursory search of web-8 at least. I said I don’t necessarily care what species the masseuse is. But. Ugh. Then again. I don’t know. Look out there? It’s totally overcast now. Starting to rain. Eh. It’s too rainy to get jacked off right now. Sure. I wanted to relax myself. Yeah. Of course that’s something that may aid us in our search. We can’t perform a search like this with an abundance of abject bodily stress weighing us down. But this weather is just. It’s just totally turning me off. J_!!1 said I couldn’t find any massage parlors within a walking radius of this particular espresso shop. However it seems as though there’s a gentleman’s venue at the end of the block? I said That’s good to know. But not right now J_!!1. Not this moment at least. Let me down this second espresso. You know mine spilled too. When she tossed her entire cup of scorching hot coffee into my face. I've barely had a sip of espresso. What a horrendous morning. What came back on our insurance? J_!!1 said Negative on the Earth coverage front. I said Cunt. I was hoping that wasn’t the case. Yet I was positive it would be the case. J_!!1 said One thing to consider here as well Ibrahim? Is that Earth has boycotted the police for now almost two centuries? I said I'm aware. That’s the double edged sword of selling coke here J_!!1. It’s a supple market. Sure. Because it’s essentially un-policed. But insurance costs an arm and a nut because of it. J_!!1 said What do you suggest? I said This bitch has our ship and our shit. We’re gonna have to find her and obviously kill her? And not just kill her! We’re going to have to make a fucking example of her. I'm talking serious decapitation. I'm not just talking about bing-bang lights out. I'm talking eyes gouged out at least half a week before we let her die. This twat is going to suffer at our hands J_!!1. She has to suffer now. I'm gonna cut off both her big toes and stuff them in her eye sockets. Then make her run laps around the Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe! J_!!1 said That sounds like a sound plan of retribution but. I said I'm gonna call Carlito. Get us a rental vessel for a week on credit. What I need you to do is scour the area for any brothers sisters mothers cousins she may have in the galaxy. We need leverage in the meantime. Once we get back up and running via Carlito we’ll start decapitating each one slowly until we find one that this cold-blooded bitch actually cares about. Then we’ll negotiate some peace treaty and at that point go back on our word. Take her into custody. And torture the bitch. J_!!1 said Sounds like a plan!

2.

(04)I said So it’s a full rental rate? There’s no volume-discount? Carlito said Ibrahim. Do you want a damn megapod or not? They’re not free vehicles. I said Obviously I want it Carlito. I fucking need it. Want isn’t even the appropriate word here. I don’t really have a choice. I'm just asking you to help me out a tiddly wink. A friends and family discount or some shit? He said Oh wow. All of the sudden you’re familiar with a plethora of discounts? That’s funny because. I said Friends and family is par for the course Carlito. It’s very pervasive in the market place. He said Fuck you Ibrahim. I'll give you a five percent discount. That’s fine. Call it what you want. Friends and family. Cousins and cunts. I don’t care. But I want it returned with a full tank. I want the meter at one hundred percent. Ninety eight point six and I'm billing you in full. I said I'll take that! That’s fair! Five percent will leave me more than satiated Carlito. Now when can you get it to Earth? Carlito said I have a side business with my second cousin in Lower Manhattan. Rental spot. Where are. I said I'm fucking in Manhattan right now. So that’s perfect. I'm in Midtown. He said It’s called Flying Cars by Carlito. Ask for my cousin Julio. Tell him you talked to me. You should be in the system. He’ll take care of the rest. I said Wait. I'm in your system? As what? He said As Dave Diablo. Use that name so he can find you. Tell him Dave Diablo is looking for a megapod with the five percent discount. You should be all set. I said Okay good. Great! I just don’t need my real name in any cocaine databases? Please and thank you. He said Of course. Go see Julio. You should be all set.(05)I said Yeah. Five percent. That’s right. It should be under uhhh. Diablo. David Diablo. Julio said And you said a megapod? That’s what you wanted? I said Yeah. That’s it. Model XYZ if you have it. That’s the most spacious model you have on-site right? He said Well. Actually. We might have something a little more roomy if you can wait til. I don’t know. Like maybe later this afternoon? Maybe until end of day at latest? I said How much of an upgrade is it? He said Well. It’s a custom-build so kind of hard to describe in standard terminology. But it should be a significant upgrade. Also with the potential of a rent-to-buy if that intrigues you at all? I said What’s the name of the model. He said Ummm. Let me see what we have it listed as. Uhhh. It looks like it’s an Abraham Kashi Deluxe? Or something? Does that ring a bell? It struck me as a little obscure as a model. But apparently it’s actually half-decent. A little dated. I said A little what? Julio said A little uhhh. I said But we can wait. We can probably put the megapod on hold for a few hours. For sure. J_!!1 said Ibrahim! Do you think. I said How are you acquiring this thing anyway. Is this coming off trade? Is that the reason for the wait? Julio said Ummm. Kind of? Kind of weird story actually. Some blonde chick came in earlier looking to sell it outright. I reached out to my cousin Carlito about a price. I said What’d he say? Your cousin. I actually know Carlito by the way. Julio said Oh really. You should have said something! I said Yeah. We go way back. From high school and shit you know. Julio said Oh nice! Yeah you know Carlito then. He told me buy it out if we can get it at a decent discount. Then resell it full price. Haha! I said Oh. That Carlito. He’s certainly something. But yeah. Can you maybe give the girl a call. Bring her back here ASAP. If we can get something more spacious I'd be more willing to even drop the five percent discount thing. Even still bring it back with a full tank! He said Sure. Yeah. I can definitely reach out to her. J_!!1 said Ibrahim. I said That sounds great Julio. Thank you so much! Yeah. We’ll be down the street. You have my number right? (06)J_!!1 said How is it that none of these cologne bottles have caps? I said And none have boxes either? Joe said Which one you looking at? I said Oh. Nothing in particular really I guess. But like this one. There doesn’t seem to be a price? J_!!1 said On any of them really. Joe said Okay. So that one. You want a box and cap? If you bought it. Hypothetically. Would you want the box and cap. I said Probably? Joe said Okay. With the box and cap it’s actually a hundred and fifty trumpsicles. I said And you have them? The caps and boxes? Joe said Sure. Of course. But what if you didn’t want a box? I said I don’t know? Why wouldn’t i? Joe said Hypothetically let’s say. Let’s say you said actually just give me the bottle. I'm just gonna throw out the box anyway. So just give me the bottle. I said Okay. Joe said Now if you didn’t want a box I could give it to you for a buck ten. A forty trumpsicle discount. I said Really? Wow. Joe said And let’s just say. Let’s just say hypothetically. You didn’t want a cap either? I said No cap either? Joe said Let’s say you said. What do you need a cap for? I'm gonna have to take it off every time I give myself a spritz anyway. Why do I need a cap? I said Okay. That makes some sense. So what then? He said Now if you didn’t wanna cap either? Then I could probably give it to you for seventy five trumpsicles. So another thirty five trumpsicle discount. Half the original price. I said Wow. That’s like. Yeah you’re right. A fifty percent discount. Just because I didn’t get a cap and box? Joe said Yeah. I mean it’s more popular on the cologne side. For guys buying for themselves. On the perfume side. I mean. The fuck? You’re gonna buy perfume for your girl without a box or cap??? I said Yeah that’s kind of. I mean you can’t give a girl perfume without a box and cap. Joe said Now I've done it. Couple girls back. Gave her a perfume bottle with no cap for crypto-Christmas. I said Hey Dominica. Here take this. Gave her a gift bag with a perfume bottle with no box or cap. I said No box either? Joe said No box either. I said What did you say? Joe said I said Merry Christmas. What else? I mean think about it for a second. Is a cap making you smell good? Is the box a repository of fresh scent? I said Not exactly. Joe said Of course not! You’re gonna toss them in the trash anyway! So why not save yourself a couple bucks. To let us dispose of the items for you. The items that you’re going to dispose of anyway. I said But I guess. I guess where I'm not totally following is. Like. What’s in it for you? What makes these boxes and caps of such value on your end? Joe said Honestly? We’re just trying to help you out. The consumer. Times are tough right now. It’s a tough economy. For all of us. Prices are rising. Especially in the fragrance sector. The fragrance sector? It’s absolutely brutal right now. Do you really wanna be paying almost two hundred trumpsicles for a fucking cologne bottle? To spritz on your nipples and shit? Or would you rather pay half that for the actual part you’ll actually use? J_!!1 said We actually had our ship stolen this morning. Joe said Exactly! See what I mean? This economy. It’s just crazy! The fuck are you gonna do now? Pay a hundred fifty beans for a fucking cologne? Or are you gonna pay seventy five and let me hold onto the cap and box for you? Which are totally useless anyway. When you think about it. I said I mean. There must be some value there. Joe said I mean even as a gift. A perfume. Sure. Like I said. Maybe you look like a total jadrool giving her a literal bottle of perfume. But half these girls nowadays? They’re too busy waxing their shrimps to even know the fuckin difference? I said Honestly Joe? That’s a great point. Yet. With that said. I'm gonna meditate on the offer momentarily. We’re actually potentially on the precipice of recovering our ship. We might be as close as a singular cunt pube away from it. So I wanna go touch base with a few people in the meantime. Before I go ahead and make any discretionary purchases.(07)Julio said Wait. What are you doing?! Amelia said Ahhh!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Ouch!!!!! I said Sorry Julio. I'm just um. Gouging this young lady's eyes out real quick? For stealing my custom ship! The Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe! Julio said You can't like. Do that man!! In my shop?! I thought your name was Dave Diablo anyway! Amelia said Aahhhhhhhh!!!!! Julio said This is like a place of business. I said J_!!1. Now knock the bitch out please? We’ll finish the job in orbit. She's ugh. Hurting my eardrums with all that noise. J_!!1 said Knock out successful Ibrahim. I said God. Julio. Listen. I get it man. Maybe this is a chaotic scene to you. Blood everywhere. Your counter. It’s all messed up. I hope you have like. An overnight maid service here or something? Julio said Like what the fuck man? That girl. She’s like. I said Tell your cousin Carlito to take it out of my volume-based pricing. The prick. He’ll know what it means. Julio said What about the rental? I said What am I? Gonna rent my own ship? From you? No. Your cousin tried to play me. Unsuccessfully! Buying my own shit back at a discount and selling it full price. Take the mess and the lost business up with him. The ship and the bitch are mine now.(08)I said Amelia. Great to see you. Um. Now. The way I see it there are two ways we can do this. I try to be an upfront guy. I don't really enjoy lying to people except when absolutely necessary. Unlike you I guess. You’re a bit of a liar no? But anyway. Since I've already basically obliterated both of your eye sockets and kidnapped you. At this point? I think we can go ahead and be honest with one another. Does that sound fair? So. Like I said. This can really go one of two ways. The first way is that you can tell me who it was that put this idea in your head. That you could rob me. For not only my cocaine. But for my custom-built spaceship. I mean ripping me off on a coke deal? Honestly. I'd still probably kill you. Especially on Earth. But maybe I'd be able. On a good day. Maybe you could talk me into some sort of leniency plan. Some payment plan in exchange for your petty little life. But taking my fucking ship too?! In broad daylight?! As you tossed hot coffee into my fucking face!! I mean. Now I have to make a damn example out of you Amelia. I don’t even have a choice in the matter anymore. It's unfortunate. So yeah. Flip upward. Rat your ass off. And tell me who's feeding you these crazy notions. That Ibrahim Pasha is a guy you can steal and rob from. Give me the name. Or the names. And if you do that for me? Then I'll go easy on you. Now. I'm still going to kill you. Either way I'm going to kill you. But if you give me these names? Then you know. It'll be quick and painless. You’ll die. But you won’t even know you’re dying. All that pain you’re feeling right now? Gone. It’ll be lights out. As quick and painless as these things can be. Now. Do you have anything to say yet? Amelia said I'm sorry Ibrahim! Nobody told. Um. I was just. I don't know. I guess I just totally misread you! I said Okay. So it seems like you’re a little ambivalent about option one here. So then there's option two. Which it seems like you're leaning toward? Which is you tell me you're PMS-ing. You tell me this was just some kind of misunderstanding. That you misread me! That you deserve to live. Which of course. As I previously stated. Just isn't going to happen. That you deserve a painless death. Blah blah blah. Which. Sure. It’s possible. That painless death? But not if you don’t tell me who told you to go ahead and steal my fucking spaceship! Amelia! Because if you don’t tell me that. And soon? Then I'm gonna cut off each one of your toes. One an hour. I'm gonna shave your head and paste the toes on there. I'm gonna take three six inch knives and dip them in the coke your stole from me. Then I'm gonna stab both your tits and belly button with them. Then I'm gonna dump you right at that same shithole we met. And I'm gonna place bets with J_!!1 to see how long you actually live. I'm gonna leave you there to die. And I'm gonna kill anyone who tries to help you until you do. Until you die a slow and painful death. A fairly slow. And equally painful. Death. Do you understand me? Just let me know. Who it is out there. That’s telling people like you. That you can fuck with me. That's all.

3.

(09)J_!!1 said I would have never. Never in a million years thought she was in contact with the Abbasids. Of all people? I said It's concerning. Frozen fucks. Cryogenic assholes. J_!!1 said I've never fully understood their anatomy. If I'm being honest. I said Nobody has. Rumor is fifty years ago they figured out how to cryogenically freeze themselves. While somehow retaining consciousness. Essentially making themselves immortal. But they've been so underground the past decade who the fuck knows. I don't know if they're just using body mules and purely giving direction? J_!!1 said Well Amelia said it was Uday Abbasid that she was working with. And it sounded like Uday in the flesh to me. I said Yeah. And I felt bad too. You know? Because if it was anybody but Uday. If she’d whispered literally any other name than Uday Abbasid? Then I probably would have just killed her like I said. You know. And not cut off her toes and all that. But we need to send a message to Uday. Right? That this type of shit. That it's not acceptable? That it’s actually unacceptable. J_!!1 said Well. Maybe you could have just killed her. But then dumped her at the meet. To send a message that way? I said Uday doesn't understand anything but brute fucking violence. But decapitory violence. He only speaks in mutilations J_!!1. Fuck him. He thinks he can start fucking with me now J_!!1?! That's what he's thinking now? Let me find out. Let me see where he's at. I'll pull his fucking large intestine out his ass! Fucking crumb. See? It's aggravating me already. Just thinking about it. Just thinking about that cryogenic cocksucker makes my blood pressure spike. It's horrendous. J_!!1 said What are next steps then Ibrahim? I said Right now? Nothing. That's why I took the toes. That's enough for now. You wanna infringe on me? I'm gonna brutally murder a bitch. I don't give a fuck. You think you can get cute. Bring a Spanish bitch to a knife fight? Thinking I'm gonna give her a crack on the toilet because she stole my coke? My vehicle? No. Not Ibrahim Pasha. That’s Uday searching for signs of weakness. Thinking maybe I'm getting soft. Hell no. I'm gonna fucking mutilate the cunt. Then the ball's in your court. That’s on you. That little fuckin ice cube won't do shit now. If he knows what's good for him. He'll find a new mark now. That's an easy business decision. Joe said You guys need another round of wine spritzers? I said Do you have anything less sugary by any chance? This is good as like a one and done. But not sure if I wanna chug a bunch of them. You know? Joe said We have a. It's kind of like a Prosecco. But with a spritz-like vibe? If that makes sense? I said That sounds perfect. J_!!1 said Ibrahim don't forget. We have that dinner tonight? For the annual board meeting? I said Wait. What board meeting? J_!!1 said For the Cocoa Leaf Trade Group you agreed to be treasurer for? The whole reason we came to Earth in the first place? I said Shit. Wait. That's tonight? For some reason. I was thinking that was next week. Joe said So we good for another round or...? I said Yeah. Joe. That’s fine. Let's do a quick second round. Of that prosecco bullshit spritz thing. Two of those. But could we get the check with the drinks as well? We're in a bit of an unexpected rush unfortunately.(10)I said Could it be. Karim? Abbasid? No that seems ridiculous. J_!!1 said Could it be any of the Abbasids? But just with their consciousness uploaded into another entity. I said Uploaded into another entity that also reads as an Abbasid? I guess it’s possible. The way Amelia was talking it sounded like she was in contact with Uday. But I mean if I was him. Uday. I don't think I'd voluntarily choose to upload myself into another bald guy with a hooked nose. J_!!1 said That's a good point. It strikes me as valid. I said Right? Thank you J_!!1. It's nice to be appreciated once in a while. Although the thought of it does bother me just slightly. J_!!1 said How so? I said Well. If Uday is actually out and about in this solar system. As himself. And these rumors of all of the Abbasids having cryogenically somehow frozen themselves. Then I'm concerned it might prove difficult to kill him? Whereas if he was just inhabiting another corporeal entity I'd have no issue killing said corporeal entity. I could easily get that done. But I've never. At least to the best of my knowledge. I've never actually killed a cryogenically frozen guy. I guess I'm just worried that Uday is now some kind of uber man. That we might need to actually fuckin like. Devise a new way to actually kill him? That previous methods we’ve employed in contract homocides may be null and void here?J_!!1 said I'm also just a little flummoxed as to why the Abbasids would even be donating to the Cocoa Leaf Lobby in the first place. I said To fuck with me? Or? For the same reason we're involved? J_!!1 said But we're involved to. You know. Actually undermine the group from the inside. Whereas quasi-anonymously donating to the group. I'm not sure how that undermines anything. It almost seems like. By donating to the group but having no influence to undermine it from the inside that. Maybe the Abbasids are trying to legalize cocaine on Earth? I said Or they know legalization is a lost cause regardless? And they're doing it to just fuck with me. Uday specifically. J_!!1 said I don't know. It seems like there are cheaper ways to irritate you Ibrahim? I said It's a fuck you type of fuck with you. J_!!1 said How so? I said Well. They have fuck you money. And they want to flaunt it. In this particular instance via fucking with me. J_!!1 said Why even screw with you though Ibrahim? I'm not sure I fully comprehend the crux of the premise. I said Well. Like I said. The shit with me and Uday? That goes way back. J_!!1 said Well. It seems relevant now? If not during our prior discussions? The true nature of this entanglement. I said Do you really wanna know J_!!1? Because. I don’t know. To me. It's not even really that interesting. J_!!1 said It's not that I necessarily want to know. Maybe more that I feel it might assist me in assisting you? I said That's fair. Fuck you for being so eloquent. But that's fair. Yeah. Basically Uday and I used to. We were plowing the same girl back in the day. In a manner of speaking. Some Neo-Circassian whore or some shit. Or I mean. To be exact. Uday was dating her. Fairly seriously at the time. Then I began fucking her on the side. Blah blah blah. I keep railing her. She starts talking shit to him. Yada yada yada. Then he proposes to her. For like marriage and stuff. J_!!1 said And he married her? Afterward? I said More or less. Well. That’s what one generally does after proposing marriage. Do they not? But I mean. Yeah. He probably knew something was going on between us. That I was piping her down to some extent prior to the proposal. For sure. But I don't know how much exactly. J_!!1 said That seems bad. So his wife. I said Well. His first wife. J_!!1 said His first wife had an affair with you. Before he proposed to her. I said Well honestly she'd have to answer the affair part to be honest J_!!1. Because she told me she'd broke it off with Uday. When I was first railing her that is. She was giving me the whole. Oh we’re on a break. Then eventually the whole. Oh yeah. Now we’re broken up. Yet to be fair. When we were fucking after the engagement? I mean yeah. That was obviously my bad. That part is totally on me. J_!!1 said Oh. So you were still. Fornicating? After she got engaged? I said Well. Only until she got pregnant. Yeah. But after that I obviously cut it off. J_!!1 said Oh. So she got pregnant? While you two were still. I said I mean to be fair Uday and I were both fucking her while she was engaged to Uday. Not simultaneously. But at separate times we’d pipe her. Never simultaneously yet in shifts perhaps. So it wasn't just me. And obviously I stopped. The piping. after she got knocked up. J_!!1 said Okay. Well this is informative Ibrahim. I'm starting to see the roots of the ill-will. I said Yeah. I mean. Fuck Uday. Guy's a fuckin piece of shit. I actually loved that Neo-Circassian at the time. Despite the fact that yeah. She was acting like a total whore. But even still. She was like my first love. Uday. He really had some fucking nerve proposing to her like that. It really put everyone in an awkward position. J_!!1 said I mean. Did you ever like. Find out? I said Find out what? J_!!1 said Meaning. If you both were fornicating with the Neo-Circassian. Prior to said Neo-Circassian becoming impregnated. Paternally speaking. I said I mean. It was probably his J_!!1! But yeah. To your point. If she's blabbing about all that shit to him now? Giving him the whole. Oh your first born son isn’t your child. All that type of nonsense. Then sure. Maybe that's why he's all of the sudden aiming for me again. Although I doubt she would really do that. At this point? Then again. J_!!1 said Hmmm. I said What J_!!1? Oh I know. I'm such a reckless guy sometimes. I fail to properly take other people's feelings into account. Etcetera etcetera. J_!!1 said They've really done a nice job with this moon. I said Compared to Earth it's damn night and day. J_!!1 said I'll do some digging on the most recent known whereabouts of Uday. Also I'll try and see what I can find on the status of the Abbasids as a whole. Especially vis-a-vis the true nature of their cryogenic status. I said Thanks J_!!1. No seriously. Thank you. You know. You know I appreciate you. Right? J_!!1 said No. I do. I do. I said And in the meantime. I'm gonna go deal with Carlito. I know he's gonna be pissed about that whole ordeal with his little cousin Julio. And his little Lower Manhattan rental business. Gouging out that girl's eyes in his cousin’s rental spot. Ugh. I can hear him whining about it already. Blathering on and on about it.Yet I might take the escape pod over and see if maybe he's still hanging around outside Pluto anyway. Better to address it early on right? Then let it fester and become potentially toxic?

4.

(11)I said Ah Carlito. I thought I might have found you around. Carlito said Ibrahim? What the fuck?! I said I know. I know. I'm sorry Carlito! I don't know what got into me. He said You fucking gouged a girl's eyes out in my cousin's rental shop in Lower Manhattan Ibrahim? Right as he's about to buy a mint condition ship from her? Do you know what type of ripple effect that can have on a business? I said Okay. Well. To be fair. It was my ship he was going to buy. She stole my ship Carlito. Okay? Which is why I did the whole eye gouging scene. And. Also. It’s funny. Because Julio and you weren’t talking about my ship as mint at the time. If I recall correctly? He said So you have to go gouge her eyes out at my cousin's Ibrahim? There’s nowhere else in Lower Manhattan you could find to gouge the girl’s eyes out and make an example of her? That’s what I'm being told to believe here? I said Well I had to do it somewhere Carlito! And it’s not like I could do it just anywhere either. He said You know. That's the thing with you Ibrahim. You're always resorting to violence. You’re like. An inherently violent person. Why? We could have bought the ship back from the girl. Then. I don't know. Sold it to you at minimal markup. I said Minimal markup? But again. Carlito. I'm not sure you’re entirely comprehending this so let me reiterate it. It’s my. Ship. So you'd expect me to pay for my own ship. That you bought off the black market? He said Well it's better than gouging a poor girl's eyes out! Isn’t it?! I said Is it? Maybe for you! For me? Poor girl? Fuck her. She wants to try and steal my shit she's gonna pay my price. And guess what? When you fuck with my shit my price is high. With no volume-based discount either! He said Oh nice. So we're back to the volume-based discounts already! I said Oh. And by the way. Carlito. Your little cousin Julio. You know. I wasn't gonna bring this up. I was gonna leave this little tidbit to the side. Because I know I caused a whole mess at his place of business. But you know. When I asked Julio who authorized him to buy back this mystery ship that was obviously mine. You know who he told me authorized it? Carlito said Who did he say? I said He said. Let me think here. His cousin Carlito told him to buy it! Isn't that. Does that strike you as a bit odd? That you would be made aware that my ship is on the black market. And instead of giving your old friend Ibrahim a call. A quick head's up. A hey man is your ship on the black market? Are you okay? You instead go ahead and authorize him to buy it at a discount. Then tell him to sell that same day? Carlito said Julio told me it was an Abraham Kashi Deluxe he was buying. Not an Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe Ibrahim. I don't know what you want me to say? What am I telepathic over here now? Abraham Kashi. Ibrahim Pasha. Is it my fault the kid fucked up the name? I said Oh right. An Ibrahim Kashi deluxe. In Manhattan. A day after we make our sale. And none of that struck you as odd. or coincidental. Or worthy of further inquiry? Carlito said Here's a thing you might not know about me Ibrahim. I actually do more with my day than wondering what you're doing. I actually have other things going on. On a daily basis. Besides sitting on my futon in my eco-territory and placing my chin in my palm and wondering what Ibrahim Pasha is up to right now. My world expands just a little bit beyond the mundane goings on of your life. Ibrahim Pasha. Ibrahim Kashi. Abraham Latke. I'm not spending half an hour on these names. Julio called me up. Said he had a hot piece he could pick up as a steep discount. Asked me for the greenlight. I gave it to him. I said You're a real disingenuous prick Carlito. You know that? That's what I'm starting to realize. That. At bottom. You're an authentically disingenuous prick. That's actually who you are. You act as if you’re this objective voice on matters of heated dispute. When the reality is that you’re little more than a disingenuous shill for your own petty interests. Carlito said Oh I'm a disingenuous prick? A petty shill? Says who Ibrahim? Ibrahim the petulant child? I said Fuck you Carlito. He said No fuck you Ibrahim. I said Okay. You know what? I didn’t want to have to do this. But you’re leaving me no choice. Carlito said What? I said I take back my apology. That apology from earlier? It’s officially rescinded now. He said Oh do you? You’re rescinding your apology? I said Yeah. I do. I just did. He said That's nice. Real nice. Tell you what Ibrahim? Why don't you take it back. Take back that apology. And shove it directly up your ass! Because that's where it fucking came from in the first place! I said Oh yeah Carlito? That’s where you think my apology came from? Up my own ass? That’s interesting. Yeah. Maybe I will. Maybe I will take my apology and shove it up my own ass. But you know what? While we're at it. Why don't you take your volume-based pricing? Take that volume derived pricing? Toss it straight into a catheter. And shove it straight up your dickhole! Because that's where it belongs! Carlito said Why don't you get the fuck off my moon?! I said Oh I will! I'll gladly leave your little shithole Pluto moon. Gladly! And tell you what? As a bonus. And I'm gonna go find a nice little two-bit coke dealer of yours. Somewhere in the solar system. And I'm gonna bring him back here. And then I'm gonna decapitate him too! I'll leave his body parts all over your moon for your Azalean maid to clean up you fucking prick! He said Fuck you!

5.

(12)I said J_!!1. Just out of curiosity. What other wholesalers do we have in the system. Besides Carlito? J_!!1 said Besides Carlito? I don't know. Maybe a couple? It's been quite some time since we used anyone different. He’s been our main supplier for years now. Why Ibrahim. I mean. Why is that relevant? Right now. I said I don't know. I've just been thinking. Eh. You know. Might be a decent time to switch things up. A change of pace. J_!!1 said Really? I mean. You just apologized to the guy. And now we're gonna go and immediately switch suppliers? I said No. I get that. But at the same time? This whole volume pricing bullshit. No. Fuck that. I just think. You know. Nothing against the guy personally but. Like we can do better no? Just search the records for me. Send out a few soft Zmails to some people? Will you? J_!!1 said Sure thing Ibrahim. I can look. I think it's been at least half a decade since we used anyone else. At least for wholesale. But maybe you're right. Never hurts to test the market right? We don’t do an inconsequential amount of volume monthly. I said Exactly. J_!!1 said It looks like someone is attempting to dock. Should I allow it? I said Hmm. I'm surprised. This is a decent neighborhood. Who is it? J_!!1 said He's saying it's an Amerigo Vespucci? I said That sounds familiar. Hmm. You think it’s a solicitation or. J_!!1 said The ship structure doesn't strike me as outside sales. But you never know. I said Fuck it. Let him in. Maybe he actually has some good fucking news for us. Amerigo Vespucci said Good afternoon fine sirs. The exterior of your vessel seems to read Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe. So with that in mind. I was just wondering if perhaps an Ibrahim Pasha is aboard? I said Yeah. I'm him. Ibrahim Pasha. And you said you're? Amerigo Vespucci said I'm Amerigo Vespucci sir. Yes. I said That name. It sounds vaguely familiar to me. J_!!1 said Um. I think. I said So what's your business. Mister. Uh. Vespucci. Amerigo said Yes. Of course. I just wanted to inform you of a recent event that occurred on our adjacent moon of Antarctica. The moon Antarctica. It's the moon where I currently serve as Executive Governor of the Judiciary Branch. I said What happened? This event. Amerigo said Well. It's a bit of an odd occurrence. I came to your ship because my assistant researched well-reviewed so-called independent disaster management entities in the Greater Uranus region. And your business came up as quite well-regarded in the region. I said Yeah. We're fairly well-regarded as a clean-up crew. So to speak. And we offer a variety of adjacent services as well. But just to be upfront here. Our organization. It's chiefly just myself and my assistant here. J_!!1. Amerigo Vespucci said And that's fine! That's actually ideal. As we'd like any involved third parties to be as limited in numbers as possible. I said So then. What happened? Amerigo Vespucci said There was what’s apparently referred to as a plane crash. J_!!1 said A plane crash? Amerigo Vespucci said That's correct. I said What's a plane? Amerigo Vespucci said A plane. It’s like an. I believe the correct term was aeroplane. Like an archaic flying Earth vehicle. One that while capable of achieving flight remains incapable of leaving the atmosphere. I said What’s the point of that? Amerigo Vespucci said It’s an archaic vehicle. I said Oh right. Yes. You said that. Yeah I think. J_!!1 was that something I would have learned about in middle school history or some shit. J_!!1 said I can check the databases based on your date of birth if you prefer. But off-hand I believe that's accurate. I said But wait. How the fuck would an. What is it? An aeroplane? How would that crash in Antarctica? On your moon? In greater Uranus? If it’s some. Uhh. Fuckin old-school Earth shit. Amerigo Vespucci said Well that's what we're trying to get to the bottom of Mr Pasha. As it’s clearly quite an odd occurrence. But we'd. Again. We'd like to keep this as under the radar as possible. So far we've identified a handful of survivors. The vehicle says something about a place called Malaysia? Which I assumed to be an Earth-based locale. Which my team seems to believe was a polity on Earth prior to the neo-qing dynasty's twenty second century expansion? But we haven't verified that. At least not yet. I said J_!!1 get on that as well. Please. Yeah. Mr Vespucci. This sounds like something my team would be not only qualified to take on. But interested in taking on as well. Have you interviewed any of the survivors yet? Amerigo Vespucci said When I left my team was incubating survivors and providing each with necessary medical care. Up to and including respiratory adjustment surgeries to allow each to survive in Antarctica's atmosphere. I said They couldn't breathe the Greater Uranus air? Amerigo Vespucci said No. We found that odd on our end as well. I said This must be some truly archaic shit then. Well. In that case. I'd like to get over there and start talking to these people as soon as possible. If that's good with you? Amerigo Vespucci said It was my hope that you'd say that Mr Pasha. Yes. We have a person of interest in particular we’d like you to speak with. Please follow my vessel and I'll lead the way to the crash site right now.

6.

(13)I said Something something three seventy. This is a weird ass craft. Kind of looks like. Um. Somewhat like a penis with wings of some sort? Looks like it uses what? Fucking exhaust engines? I don’t really know shit about actual flying and gravity and shit. But just at a glance. From a layman’s perspective at least? Amerigo Vespucci said That’s what we concluded as well. J_!!1 said And where are the survivors? How many are there again? Amerigo Vespucci said Well. There are a few as of right now. But as I said. One in particular that we’d like you to speak with. I said Not that I'd want to. What. Travel in time? But if I did I'd at least want to land on the moon with the best whorehouses in Greater Uranus. Amerigo Vespucci said That’s a quite muted silver lining for most of these passengers I'm afraid Mr Pasha. Most of these people are in quite a state of shock. Except for Mr Lin. Who is the person of interest I'd like you to speak with. He speaks Middle Mandarin. And Old American English as well. But we’ve equipped him with an auto-translator just to be safe. I said Let’s go talk to him then. Fucking see what the goddamn deal is here and what not. (14)Amerigo Vespucci said Ibrahim Pasha. Meet Edward Lin. The passenger I told you I'd like you to speak with. Edward Lin said Mr Pasha. I said Call me Ibrahim. And this is my associate J_!!1. Edward Lin said Okay. Mr Vespucci informed me of the current situation. Where our plane has landed. I said And what is the situation? This is your plane? Lin said Well. I said I'm from an outside consulting firm. Amerigo gave me some information of course. But I'd like to connect all the dots on my end as well. Lin said We’re on a moon of Uranus. A developed moon. Named Antarctica. I said That’s correct. Lin said And given that. When we took off from Malaysia. The origin of our craft. There was no such thing as a human-manned base on the moon. Never mind on a moon off of Uranus. I'm going off a general assumption that we’ve traveled well into the future?I said It’s hard for me to confirm or deny that given that I have no idea where you came from. Where do you believe you came from? Lin said This flight took off in March of the year twenty fourteen AD. I said Interesting. That’s uhh. Quite some time ago Mr Lin. Lin said It seems it. I said And how do you presume this occurred? Lin said Well. I'm acting. Somewhat as a whistleblower here. So I'd like some assurance that I'll be provided protective custody. Or an equivalent of protective custody in your epoch? If I were to inform you of the entirety of the situation from my perspective. I said The moons of Uranus are generally speaking an independent body politic. Both Amerigo and I are representative members of the body. I can’t guarantee anything beyond the fact. If what you tell me is verifiable and accurate. That I'll do everything in my power to prevent any possible reprisals from being executed against you. Of which I don’t personally know of any. But also. I mean. If you came from twenty fourteen AD like you claim then who would really be gunning for you right now? All of those people are beyond fossils at this point. Unless you went back. Or were planning to go back? But that’s frankly beyond my paygrade pal. Lin said Okay. I suppose that’s fair enough. I can always. Sure. I can yearn for more. But given the circumstances. Yeah. I guess that’s a fair enough deal. I said My word is the best deal you’re gonna get at this point my Lin. I'm biased. I always am. But that’s my biased two cents. Lin said Well. The reality of the situation was that this was a planned trial. The People’s Republic of China. Which you may be familiar with? I said I assume it’s some ancient Chinese dynasty or some shit? The details don’t matter that much. Yet. So go on. Lin said Well. The CCP. The Communist Chinese Party of China. They’d enlisted myself. Along with a few others. Who unfortunately perished in the crash here. They enlisted me to equip this flight with a few technological. Uhhh. Quirks. The intention of these quirks was to modify the craft so that a partner of the CCP. So that they could then deploy certain technological phenomena. To interact with said quirks. And help the craft achieve a modicum of time travel. So once I was on board. Then this certain partner of the CCP was to deploy drone-like vessels that would create a certain type of wormhole around the flight. Using my quirks. To create some sort of iteration of time dilation that. Frankly. Was above my paygrade to fully comprehend. Now it was my understanding at the time. That this wormhole was to transport the ship through time. Yes. But through time only to the degree of six or so hours Earth time. That the pilot would put in a flight path. I would turn on three transponders prior to take-off. And then the partner-drones would create the wormhole. The flight would travel say six hours ahead in time. And then we would land on Earth. In the year Twenty Fourteen. I said So obviously this plan very clearly went awry. Because you crashed into the second most popular whorehouse on the third largest moon of Uranus. Not on Earth in Twenty Fourteen. Lin said I'm not sure exactly where it went awry. But yes. It seems like we traveled. To put it lightly. A bit further in time and space than we anticipated. I said Have you been able to communicate through time? Back to your people? Lin said I mean. We just crashed a Seven Forty Seven. Then I was immediately detained by Mr Vespucci. I haven’t had a ton of. I said I mean before the crash. You must have known some shit was off when you entered the atmospheres of Greater Uranus. No? Lin said My phone was totally out of service if that’s what you mean? As soon as we completed our jump through the wormhole my first reaction was to check my phone. To try and send a message to my contacts. Unfortunately that was not an option. I said What’s a phone? Lin said Oh. Well it’s. I said I'm fucking with you. I know what a phone is. But tell me. Before we get too deep here. Before we get into the more. Um. Serious elements here. What’s your previous world like. Earth in the year Twenty Fourteen. Lin said You really want to know? I said Fuck yeah. Lin said Well. See. Well first off. America still exists? I said This is fucking America my friend. You’re in it. Lin said Okay. So. Wow. Interesting. But yeah. Like the thing was. I was actually kind of? A double agent. Sure I was Chinese. And I worked for the CCP and all that. But I was also raised in America. Went to school in Boston. Got a few degrees. I said We were literally just in Manhattan. How was it back then? Lin said Well it’s hard for me to compare all that much. As I've spent most of my time in this. Room. But to put early twenty first century America and Earth into perspective. Social media. Basically ummm. Internet message boards. They’d taken over the cultural discourse. Books had essentially stopped being read at scale. Internet porn just absolutely took off. When I was growing up. Mr Pasha. Believe it or not I jacked off to actual magazines. then modem based internet. My modem at least. Where short videos could take days to download. By Twenty Fourteen the amount of the full-length pornographic videography was literally limitless. I can only imagine what effect it would have on future generations. I said I can take a gander. You’re probably looking at it. Lin said At the time. Umm. Let’s see. What else? Well. We were all worried about a thing we called climate change. Human beings changing the climate of the planet. And causing disastrous results. I said How could you not. Lin said Right? It was a major concern. I said No. I mean. How could you. As a species not contribute to fluctuations in the planet’s overall climate? Lin said Right. Yeah I guess. So that was a huge concern. I said Temperatures are always fluctuating. And large swathes of people are always dying. Planets to the best of my knowledge don’t really give two shits. He said And obviously there were adversarial tensions somewhat growing. Beneath the surface at least. Between America and China. And we also had our first black president. If you’re familiar with the notion of black people. I said Black people? It sounds vaguely familiar I guess. Lin said A man named Barack Obama is finishing up his second term back home. Personally I think he’s a bit of a mixed bag as a politician. Maybe even a bit of a conman. But it’s still an inspiring story. In my era at least. I said The only inspiring stories are ones essentially centered around conmen. But yeah. You know. I think that’s probably enough? I've probably heard enough. About the Twenty Fourteen thing. All that stuff. Lin said Oh. Okay. I said I mean. I don’t want you to. Like it’ll probably just get depressing for you if you keep going. No? Lin said Yeah. I guess I can be prone to nostalgia. That’s an astute point. I said So you were a double agent in this epoch. Kind of? If I'm understanding correctly. Lin said I mean. I was in a tough spot in a sense. I said No I get that. I could use a guy like you. So you were an American. What? an American citizen they called it? Lin said I was in the Navy actually. The water-based army? I said Even better. So you’re a double agent. You’re working on essentially hijacking an aircraft for what was it called again? Lin said The CCP. I said For the CCP. And you do it. But you fuck it up. I mean not you necessarily. The collective you. Now. My next question would be. Was this technology you’d developed yourselves? You seemed to be alluding to a third party that was involved here. Did they develop this technology for you? On your behalf? Or was it a true partnership? Lin said Well. I really didn’t want to get into. I said But you will. You don’t really have a choice now. Do you? Lin said Right. I guess not. Well. Long story short. The CCP had come into contact with. For lack of a better term. I guess an off-world entity. Or a. I don’t know. Maybe an intergalactic organization of sorts? That’s how they presented themselves to us at least. They called themselves a transdimensional caliphate. I think that was the phrase. I said Interesting. A transdimensional caliphate you said? Lin said That’s correct I said So what did. What did they want from you? Lin said In exchange for their technology they wanted us to do this thing for them. This hijacking. It was really a single transaction relationship. I said So they said to the CCP. Hey. We’ll break you off with some of our technology. But we want you to assist us in time-warping one of your own ancient planes? Lin said Right. Which obviously. In the eyes of the CCP. That seemed like an offer they couldn’t refuse. I said Did they have names? These co-conspirators if you will. Lin said They called themselves. Uhhh. What was the name. I'm drawing a blank. I said Think harder then. Lin said The Abbasids! It was the Abbasids. Yes! That’s what they called themselves!(15)I said Look at this. J_!!1. The fuck is this? Parked like this next to us like this? J_!!1 said I couldn’t get a good look at the man himself Ibrahim. I did try though. I believe I saw him pull up. I said The fucking guy is blocking half the exit. With his ugly ass forest green ship. Bitch. Did he tap our shit at all? J_!!1 said Negative. I said I'm gonna spit on his rig anyway. Fuck him. J_!!1 said Gross Ibrahim. I said Either way. I guess we have bigger fish to fry now J_!!1. Don’t we? This is actually getting serious. This is actually. It may be an act of war. J_!!1 said How so? What did the survivor have to say. That relates to our plight in particular? I said It was the Abbasids. J_!!1 said The Abbasids. That what? I said The Abbasids. They’ve using their goddamned time warp machine again. I can’t believe that fucking piece of shit even still works! J_!!1 said I haven’t heard about time warps in. I don’t know. At least a decade I'd say. I said Well they’re doing it. The Abbasids are. They went back to 21st century Earth and made some kind of deal with the Chinese Communist dynasty or something. They duped them obviously. Tricked them into thinking they were giving them quote-unquote off-world tech when they were just using them as pawns to put a hit out on me. With this ancient craft. That’s now destroyed the second most popular massage parlor on Antarctica. J_!!1 said But the plane didn’t hit us. I said Not us. That’s true. But they hit Wacky Jacky’s Whack Offs here. J_!!1 said Oh. I see. So they must have miscalculated. But to your point. I guess they were close to us. But you’re sure. I said No. They didn’t miscalculate J_!!1. They weren’t quote-unquote close at all. They hit their intended target one hundred percent on the nose. J_!!1 said I'm not sure I'm following. I said I had an appointment at the fucking Whacky Jacky’s earlier today! Right at the time of the crash. J_!!1 said Wait. That wasn’t on our calendar. I said It’s never on our calendar J_!!1. That’s my spa time. I keep a separate book for that. Yet the Abbasids must somehow have gained access to it. J_!!1 said So you were supposed to. I said Well. I stood them up because obviously we still haven’t moved Carlito’s coke. So for budgetary purposes I canceled. Otherwise I'd have been getting my ass massaged there right as that little crusty Malaysian airliner warped into our time continuum and crashed into it! J_!!1 said This is bad Ibrahim. I said It’s an act of war J_!!1. That’s what it is. We’re going to war J_!!1. I already told Vespucci I'm detaining Lin as a prisoner of war. Once we get back in orbit we’ll hit the war room and start to tally who owes us favors and who we can employ on at least on a mercenary basis. We’re gonna cryogenically fuck each Abbasid up their ass by week’s end J_!!1. I don’t want this lingering any longer than it has to.(16)J_!!1 said I think the difficulty here is do we want to engage in a broad offensive. Or do we want to take a more guerilla tactic. I said They tried to warp a jumbo jet through space-time and not only interrupt me getting my monthly tugjob. But also try and assassinate me in the process. How could we possibly not go all out on the offensive here? J_!!1 said Because we can't prove it Ibrahim. Not yet. I said I don’t know. I think it's pretty clear. J_!!1 said I don't disagree. But if the intent is to bring others onboard then we're going to need to make sure we have a convincing case. That going to war against the Abbasids is a justifiable act. I said Okay. So what do you. J_!!1 said I suggest we go back down to Antarctica Ibrahim. That we work with Amerigo. And maybe canvas further witnesses. You said yourself this Lin guy. That he's a self-proclaimed double agent. I said Yeah. On early 21st century Earth he is. J_!!1 said That's what he says. As a self-proclaimed double agent. If we’re bringing others on board to go to war we’ll need more than just the word of a guy. Being detained on Antarctica. Who’s saying he just traveled through time as a double agent from 21st century Earth. We need. Ideally. Someone who can link us directly to Uday. Beyond just hearsay that could easily be construed as hysterical rambling. I said Okay J_!!1. Okay. Alright. You have a half-decent point here. We can go back to Antarctica before we go full frontal. Let’s see if we can dig up something a little more. Indisputable. To add to Lin’s testimony. But if after this trip. If after this trip I'm satisfied? Then the initial plan proceeds as. Um. Planned.

7.

(17)I said You really can't argue with the breast bars on this moon. They're really top notch. J_!!1 said Amerigo should be here by now. Shouldn't he? I said Ummmm. Yeah. He actually should be. Probably. Odd. Because he doesn’t strike me as a Titty’s & Clit guy. Then again. What is he? On the judiciary committee? Is that what he said? J_!!1 said How many more survivors did he say are willing to talk. I said He told me. I think at least three before we descended back down. J_!!1 said Should we send a cybergram? I said Give him another five. Then send him a Zmail. Valentina said Hey guys! J_!!1 said Hi. We're actually waiting for. I said Oh hello. How are you? She said I'm good! What brings you guys in today? I said Honestly. I haven't been to a tittie bar in. I don't know. Probably weeks at this point. We're just hanging out. What's going on with you? J_!!1 said We're actually. She said Ugh! I'm just finishing up my shift. Finallyyy. I said You want a drink or something before you go? She said Ummmm. Just a water is fine. I said You actually look. Weren't you like. Were you one of the massage girls here a while back. Like I'm talking years. J_!!1 said Ibrahim the water is twenty two microdimes. I said Fuck! For a water? I thought they'd just pour a glass. She said I know. It's so crazy here nowadays! I said Well whatever. What does that say? Antarctic spring? Honestly. It's probably worth the twenty two microdimes! I'm sure the water is incredibly fresh. J_!!1 said We're still waiting on him? I said Really? What the fuck? I did three songs back there. J_!!1 said Is she. I said A midget? Yeah. Legally she is. Midget ass J_!!1? It’s actually crazy J_!!1. It's wild. She's from Azalea or some shit. One of those red dwarf outpost shitholes. J_!!1 said So should we cybergram. I said Fuck the cybergram. And the Zmail for that matter. She says to me back there. Fully nude mind you. She says to me. You look familiar. And I say. Yeah I get that a lot. She says are you an Abbasid by any chance? I say no. Obviously I play dumb J_!!1. Like the name means nothing to me. I play dumb and say no. Who are they? Maybe I know them. She says oh. This guy Uday and his brother they come in like every Wednesday. J_!!1 said Oh. Really. I said Yeah. So I say. Mind you her midget yet voluptuous ass is still pressed like a glove against my pelvis at this point. I say. Aren't they that cryogenically frozen family or something? And she says oh I thought so too! We bound on the cryogen thing. I say. They're nice guys though? She says they usually take me for a spin at the beginning of my shift. I like them enough. J_!!1 said Oh. Really. She really said this? I said I tell her. Between me and her. I'm investigating the weird crash from earlier in the week. Official police business. I tell her there could possibly be a benefit to her. If she could glean any info from those two fucks. I say they’re not suspects. But you know if they’re in the cryogen business? Maybe they know something that could be of use to us in the investigation. So if they happen to come in. Next Wednesday. J_!!1 said So. I mean. That's great. But still. We're going to take a stripper's word? I said Who said anything about her word J_!!1? You’re jumping to conclusions here. J_!!1 said Well. I said I told her I'd shoot her half a g of microdimes if she puts a recording device up her ass next Wednesday. J_!!1 said And that was something she was amenable to? I said And I figure you post up here in person on that Wednesday as well? You keep an eye out to see if Uday and his retard brother actually show up. Then I'll stay up on the deluxe and record her live. I'll have her device recording live. But I'll also be making a duplicate in real-time on the deluxe. And listening in simultaneously. Just in the event we have some unforeseen issue retrieving the device after her shift. From her ass. J_!!1 said This actually. This actually sounds like a well thought out plan Ibrahim. I'm impressed. I said Like I said. Forget Vespucci. Even if he stands us up today. We don’t need the guy. I mean we can wait for him here. For another drink here if you want? But we don't need Vespucci if Valentina comes through. In fact. Might not be a bad idea to stay here for another. Let me schmooze her a little more before we leave. (18)I said Yeah. Just piato soap. And that should do it. J_!!1 said You want me to. I said Just hold the spot in line. I'll grab it from the back. They keep the bigger bottles on the top shelves now. Like they're trying to sell all the smaller bottles at the same price? So I'll have to get on my tippy toes to make sure we can get the bigger bottle of piato soap. It's annoying. J_!!1 said Okay. Then I'll just meet you in line? I said Excuse me. Miss? An Antarctican Lady with her Small Son in a Stroller said Yes? Can I help you? I said Yeah. I couldn't help but notice. That you're playing music right now. From your i-Spleen? She said Yes? I am. And? I said Yeah. And what is that i-Spleen at right now? Like max volume? She said Maybe. What's it to you? It's not your i-Spleen. I said Exactly. That’s kind of the point I'm getting to I guess. It's not my i-Spleen. Nor is it the i-Spleen or anyone waiting in line here. It's nothing to really miss. Except that I have to listen to it out the native i-Spleen speaker. Essentially against my will. While I'm forced to wait in line to buy a bottle of piato soap my ship desperately needs right now. She said Oh. So you want me to turn it down? That’s what you’re asking me? I said I mean. You don't think it's. I don't know. A little rude? That you're playing the soundtrack to Titties & Clit down the street? In public? As we're all. In public. Just trying to buy basic amenities here? She said Well the store has no music playing. So what difference does it make to you? If anything I'm doing you a favor. Otherwise you'd be sitting in silence. I said And maybe I prefer silence! Maybe I'd like to be standing in pure unadulterated silence as I wait in line to buy my big bottle of piato soap! She said But most stores play music sir. So you’re. Respectfully speaking. Talking out of your ass. I said Yet respectfully. That's a little different. The scenario you just noted. The store. The store owns the building. Or leases it. Whatever. So if they want to play music in the building. The music young men get their penises sucked to down the street. If they want to play that music at a high decibel level then frankly? That's their prerogative to do so. It's probably inappropriate. But it's an organized method of being inappropriate. They’ve purchased the right to be inappropriate. Because there's one store. It chooses the playlist. The playlist at the store was never intended to be a democracy. If they. The store. If they choose to play no playlist then I'm content to shop in silence! But if we as individual customers. If we all start blasting our favorite tunes from our i-Spleens. She said Then so what? Go ahead! I don't care! I said I'm sure you don't! Because I would never do that! And how could I anyway? Because you’re already doing it! She said So go ahead then! Like I said. Not my i-Spleen? Not my problem! I said And you don't think that would be total chaos if I did?! If all of us standing in line here? We’re just playing disparate music at max volume?! From shitty ass i-Spleen speakers?! She said I have the i-Spleen-Twenty-Three sir. Yeah. The Twenty Three.Just because you see an Antarctican woman with her son in a stroller you automatically assume my i-Spleen is low-grade. Don’t you? But these speakers are industry quality! Bet they’re better than the speakers you have in whatever bunk-ass ship you drive. I said Oh yeah. Industry quality! I'm sure! Listen. I don’t know who sold you that line of horseshit? But it sounds like you're playing that song from inside a urinal! She said Respectfully sir? Fuck you! The Cashier said Sir. You can bring your piato soap up here? I said Yeah. Great example you're setting for your son. Swearing in public. Playing i-Spleens in public. Get a pair of fucking headphones why don’t you? Since you’re well-off enough to have the i-Spleen-28 with the industry quality speakers. Then get headphones with them next time. On behalf of all of us in line here? She said Wow. Wow. You're a real asshole! The Cashier said Sir please. I'm ready! You can come up to the register now and I’ll check you out. I said Okay be right up!

8.

(19)[Document Insert: Transponder Conversation]Uday said So how much to take you downstairs again? For I don't know. What's the normal time-frame. Half an hour? Valentina said For you? I could do three hundred fifty microdimes for that. A full half-hour. Uday said Eh. Let me get another Uranal Pale Ale and think about it. Valentina said Of course! Uday said You want anything. Valentina said Maybe just a water? But hey. Can I ask you a question while we wait? Uday said Sure hun. Valentina said Because it’s funny. I've been meaning to ask you. Did you guys hear about that. I think it's called like a plane crash? It happened like right across the street! So scary! Uday said Haha! You heard about that huh? That's nothing to worry about. Valentina said Really? Is that true. Because I've been scared! Like a whole ancient spaceship crashing into Jacky’s? A lot of the girls are worried now. That it could happen here! Uday said You wanna know the whole story behind it? I could actually tell you. She said Really?! Wait. You know? He said Know? Haha! Between me and you. Can you keep a secret? Valentina said It’s kind of my specialty. Uday said I planned the whole thing. She said Oh wow! No way! You Uday? That's really impressive. Wow! How could you even do that? Uday said You really wanna know? Valentina said I'd love to. Uday said What’s in it for me then? Valentina said Well. If you tell me. Then maybe we can do three hundred? I cybergrammed J_!!1 We got this fucking cunt. This rat bastard. This dirty Jew. This son a bitch! He's about to cough up all the details to Valentina right now. As I'm sending this he’s pouring his soul out to her like a total sucker! What a mark! J_!!1 cybergrammed me They've been drinking with her for almost two hours now. They're probably fully inebriated. This worked out as well as we could have hoped. I cybergrammed J_!!1 Yup. Oh yeah. Here it is. I have it on record. Officially on record. Right here in The Ibrahim Pasha Deluxe! He and his eunuch uncle planned the whole thing with the 21st century CCP. Recorded right up her ass! Haha! We're going to war J_!!1 and I can’t wait! And anyone who doesn't take our side on this now? They're pure fuckstains. They’re fascists J_!!1. And Valentina? She's totally wet for it. For the whole anecdote. I wish you could hear her right now. It's grotesque really. J_!!1 cybergrammed me Wait. Amerigo Vespucci just walked in! Is that something you were expecting? I cybergrammeed J_!!1 Fuck. Absolutely not. Vespucci is there? Randomly? After he didn’t even show for us last week? J_!!1 cybergrammed me He’s here right now. Yes. I cybergrammed J_!!1 Don't let him make you. What the fuck would he be doing there today? Of all days. Did he mix up the weeks? That’s impossible. I haven’t heard fuck all from him for days now. Either way. If he sees you there with Uday. That’s. No we need to protect Valentina. Can’t have people putting the pieces together of how we got this audio right off the back. J_!!1 cybergrammed me I agree. What should I do here? I cybergrammed J_!!1 Go hug a fucking wall somewhere. Or better yet! Take someone. Take a girl downstairs for half an hour. Maybe even an hour! We're all set here now. Just stay out of sight until Uday and Amerigo clear the premises basically. Just keep out of his eye J_!!1. stay out beyond the periphery. On the outer edges. We don't need any unnecessary complications here.(20)I said Did he make you? J_!!1 said I don't. Think so? If he saw me he definitely didn’t approach. I said Then again. He might not even recognize you. I mean. He mostly dealt with me. Right? J_!!1 said It’s possible. I said Okay. Well I got all of the conversation on tape up here. right from Valentina's ass too. I already ipso-wired her the microdimes. We should have the hard-drive tomorrow. If not I'll go down there and grab it from her on her shift. Uday on record saying he ordered the plane warped to Antarctica. Right where he knew I had an appointment. The question we still need to answer is. How did he know I had a Tuesday afternoon appointment at Whacky Jacky’s? J_!!1 said Want me to research on my end? I'd just need access to whatever system you booked the appointment in. I said I've already cybergrammed the Guistianninis. Asking for their support. J_!!1 said Something doesn't add up here though Ibrahim. I said What? Yeah. Was the information about the Abbasids cryogenically. Freezing themselves? Was that all bogus? Bullshit? J_!!1 said Well. Yeah that's a little odd. But specifically in relation to our plight. Vespucci not only showed up to the club. Which seemed a little too coincidental to begin with. But he actually went over to Uday and his brother. Right before they all left. They were talking. Do they know each other Ibrahim? Vespucci and Abbasids? Vespucci was in the room when Lin fingered the Abbasids as the CCP contact. Right? I said That he was. It certainly seems like. I can’t help but agree with the notion that Vespucci could be conspiring with the Abbasids behind our back. Then again? If that’s the case why reach out to us in the first place? J_!!1 said Try and feel us out? See what we know? I said Perhaps. But either way it doesn’t matter now. We got what we needed by another route J_!!1. It’s slightly odd. It gives off somewhat of a cunty stench. I'll agree with you on that. Yet it doesn’t shift the larger point here. That we’re going to war with the Abbasids regardless. We have cause now. J_!!1 said So what next then? I said If I can get the Guistianninis on board. Then pitch the southern front. I think that's enough of a fleet to break through Abbasid territory. Once we get inside I'm confident we can breach. J_!!1 said Or. Or. What if we went micro with it. At first? What if we just took Uday out at Valentina's? Next Wednesday. If it’s successful and if anyone takes umbrage with the audacity of the hit then we have the recording as just cause. But if it’s unsuccessful. We still have the recording as just cause and can still recruit the same folks for larger scale combat. I said You know. This is why I love your hard-wiring J_!!1! You're prone to find these fucking loopholes. These minor oversights of mine. My hotheaded miscues! I'd just want to. I mean. Should we feel out the Vespucci angle? I just don't want unnecessary Antarctic heat on us. If we were to go the micro route so to speak. Because we’d be doing it in his jurisdiction.(21)I said Twenty seven microdimes? For a Uranal Pale Ale? God. When will the price gouging end up here? It's all continuing to go downhill. J_!!1 said There's an odor as well. I said It smells like cunt in here. That's what you're smelling J_!!1. She hasn't shown up yet. Has she? J_!!1 said Negative. I said Fuck. She's gone. That’s what I think. What else is there to think really? Gone. Almost three months of kickbacks from her. Whoops! Right down the drain. Just like that. J_!!1 said It would seem that way. I said She seemed like such a. I don’t know. Like such a sincere soul. It's hard to believe she would unrepentantly fuck us like this. You know? J_!!1 said I had a good read on her initially. I said What's the temperature on the Guistianninis of late? J_!!1 said All diplomatic communication remains unanswered. I said How long are they gonna be pissed over Vespucci? J_!!1 said My understanding is that it's a confluence of issues. I said Not just that we killed him? Because I had no idea he was even an associate of theirs? I don’t know how many times I can say that to them. J_!!1 said It was that. The killing of course. But then also the fact that we were trying to kill Uday unsanctioned. I said Unsanctioned? But we had the just cause on the tapes! J_!!1 said But also that we weren't able to kill him. But then also that Amerigo was collateral damage. And then also the word got to them about Carlito. I said Ugh. Carlito? Fuck Carlito. J_!!1 said But it's essentially barred us from our cocaine revenue stream Ibrahim. Like I've said numerous times. Without a stable wholesaler for that stream of revenue? We’re essentially running on fumes. I said You’re probably right. But all I know? All I know is that I don't know how much longer I can be confined to this moon J_!!1. And if we can't even pimp out a few girls at this club? Then I don't know how many more lease payments we can make on The Deluxe. J_!!1 said. 2.71 to be exact. I said Should we try and. I don't know. Make a more concerted peace offering? J_!!1 said We? I said Okay. You don't have to be a dick about it. Man. Midgets man. Tough crowd. Who would have thought a midget. That they could have been so. Cold-blooded. J_!!1 said Midgets are people too Ibrahim. I said They just. I mean. They have the best pussies. That's what. Just makes it actually kind of. I don't know. Hurt? When they ruthlessly abandon you like this. Is this? Hurt? Is this what I'm feeling J_!!1? I'm unfamiliar with this emotion I think. J_!!1 said There are other girls we could approach. I said These whores can smell blood in the water a mile away J_!!1. We need another approach. We try and pimp out another girl we’ll only end up pimping ourselves. Possibly reconciliation? With the Guistianninis? But no. Fuck that. I can't reconcile with anyone while that prick Uday is still breathing. I have a little too much pride for that I guess. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe that's. I don't know. Like a personality flaw of mine or something. J_!!1 said Reconciling doesn't preclude. I said It does for at least a period of time. If I reconcile with the Guistianninis now then there's no way I can clip any Abbasid for. What? Years?! This prick's gonna be walking around with my name in his fucking mouth? My name?! J_!!1 said Okay. But what's the alternative Ibrahim? We can’t get to Uday as is either. And refusing to reconcile with the Guistianninis. To bend the knee. Even if just momentarily. That’s placing us further away from getting retribution than reconciliation would. I said I need to ruminate on that. Shit. That’s actually. You may be right on that. How can I get to Uday as is? Sitting at this bar downing twenty seven microdime Uranal Pale Ales? One after the other.J_!!1 said If we can barely make the lease payment on The Deluxe then how can we possibly take out a crowned prince of a Cryogenic Caliphate Ibrahim? I said You know what? This slut isn't showing up. Let's just grab a drink back on the ship. Twenty seven microdimes for a Uranal Pale Ale? Maybe I'll send a Zmail to Guido Guistiannini later tonight. (23)[Document Insert: The Dual Funeral of Amelia Amerigo Vespucci and Amerigo Vespucci]Guido Guistiannini said It’s with great sadness that I stand here before you all. To bury the father and daughter Vespucci. Amelia Amerigo and her father Amerigo! Oh god! How is this possible?! Both pillars of the Syntho-Sardinian communities that exist not only on Earth and Greater Uranus. But also throughout the remainder of our solar system to obviously lesser degrees. Oh god! The humanity! Leaving behind a mother Tina and a brother Tony. Amelia. She will be remembered as a girl who. Yes! She was a daddy’s girl. Of course she was! But she was also a friend to so many. A person who. Despite her immense beauty. Her blonde locks and naturally well-proportioned facial features. Was never one to look down on anyone. She’d treat a leper and a king the same! And of course we know the related caliphates that originally developed into prominence on the Earth’s artificial moon. We know they. On some level! Lay at the tippity top of the pyramid of responsibility for these crimes. But for now we put those concerns to the side. To celebrate Amelia and Amerigo. To rejoice in their multitudinous memories! Oh lord! Amerigo. Born a mere fifty five years ago to a mother and father. Tina and Tony. Who. While yes. Both suffering from severe dementia at this time. Remain alive! And for a son to perish prior to his parents? Oh Lord have mercy! Is that not the most sordid thing of all! A son deceased before his father! A daughter before her mother! Oh lord! Fate can be a cruel thing. But revenge. It can be even crueler! Amerigo was a friend to many. Most of all to his son Tony. Who while starting and successfully growing his synthetic ziti business on Earth. Has pledged a return to his birth place. Greater Uranus! Our home! Where he’ll continue his father’s business dealings. His judicial responsibilities as well. While still remaining involved with his synthetic ziti ventures from a healthy distance. In fact. It’s with great pride that I now hand the microphone over to him. Anthony Amerigo Vespucci. For him to pay his respects to both his father and sister. Tony Vespucci said It’s with great sadness that I too stand before you all. To pay my final respects to both my father and sister. My sister. Of course she could get a little out of control from time to time. Amelia. But to experience the brutal and unwarranted end that she did. That despicable end. Before she was thirty. Before she even procreated?! It’s unconscionable frankly. It’s completely ridiculous. I can’t even shed tears at this podium. Because it’s too ridiculous to me to believe it to have actually occurred! And my father. A true leader of men. A great man par excellence. The last of a dying breed! To have him taken from us before he could even experience the joys of grandfatherhood. It’s a crime against trans-humanity is what it is! It can be nothing else! Of course we’ll celebrate their lives today. Of course we’ll rejoice in their memory. We’ll celebrate them to an apropos degree. We’ll recall them in a manner that they deserve to be recalled! Yet as much as you can celebrate the lives of those who were taken from us far too prematurely. In the coming days and weeks. We will. We’ll have no choice but to ensure that justice above all things is served. And I'll be asking for the assistance of this community! Seated right here! In the administration of this retribution! Of this making things right! In the case of both my father and my sister. So that all of those. From the main culprits all the way to the most ancillary bit characters and adjacent participants are held fully responsible. Fully and entirely responsible! Actually beyond fully and entirely responsible! Because a world without Amelia. Without Amerigo? It seems like a bad joke to me. A comment made in poor taste. Yet distasteful comments and poor jokes hang in our air only momentarily. To dissipate quickly enough into the many vicissitudes of our memory. Yet the fact the death of my father and sister. That they’re now a reality of life? A pervasive and irreversible reality of our existence?! It’s to me almost too much to bear!